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alliecat8I'm posting fic in the dead of the night when nobody's around. Yeah, so, that makes sense to me.
Title: Prophecy
Part 1
Fandom: Lost
Character: Jack
Rating: if I could give it an R for angst I would, but, PG-13
Spoilers: through Live Together, Die Alone
Disclaimer: only mine in my dreams
Word Count: really, really short
For![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
psych_30 Prompt #20, Learned Helplessness
And forfanfic100 Prompt #34, Not Enough
A/N: Okay,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
eponine119, I'm posting this thing. THANKS all over the place for the hand-holding, and I LOVE YOU LOTS.
He’s dying.
He isn’t surprised.
As the others comforted one another in the wake of the deaths in the hatch, he’d stood alone, staring at his reflection, looking into the face of death.
Live together, die alone.
His tomb is dark but not quiet. He has the whispers for company, loud in the dank air, echoing off the metal walls of what can only be another hatch. Empty, abandoned, inescapable. The disembodied voices eddy around him, whispering lies.
Healer
You have to lift it up, said the man who had talked to him of miracles. The man who thought, somehow, that Jack was capable of them. That day, Jack had felt like a god. He’d put his hands on another human being, and he had healed when healing wasn’t possible. That day, he’d believed the words of a man who believed in miracles. That day he’d believed in himself.
He thinks now that that was the day he began to die.
Death is liquid. Sometimes it pulls you under in a great sudden wave, sometimes it wears you down with slow steady droplets. The waves are kinder. Jack feels his life eroding as bits crumble around him like grains of sand. A miracle worker, yet he can’t save his marriage, can’t save his father, can’t save himself from falling from the sky. I will save you, he’d promised Boone, still stubbornly believing in miracles. A drop of sweat fell from his face onto the skin of the dying boy and shone there like a tear.
The island taught him that he wasn’t a savior. As Libby lay dying in the hatch, he allowed it. He didn’t tell her, I’m going to fix you. He thought that maybe, sometimes, you had to let things be broken. Instead of healing her, he’d slipped a needle into her arm, and watched her die.
There’s no escape, said the man who had talked to him of miracles. The man who no longer believed that such things were possible.
And again, Jack believed him.
He closes his eyes and listens to the whispers.
Leader
He remembers how she looked at him on the dock, her gaze pleading. I’m scared, her eyes had said. Reassure me. He wonders if she saw his hesitation, before reflex kicked in and he nodded at her, promising her without words that he’d fix this, he’d make everything okay. He thinks not, because her answering blink was trusting and sure. I have faith in you, she told him silently.
As he watched her he could feel Sawyer’s stare. He didn’t raise his eyes, because he knew what he’d find there wasn’t faith, but knowledge. She trusts you, that look would say. I don’t.
Hero
Once he’d believed in heroes. Believed he could be one. It’s your choice, man, walk away now and you won’t get your ass kicked. But Jack was a hero, the kind of hero who stood up for the scapegoat, the loner, the outcast. On a schoolyard battlefield he’d faced down danger to protect a friend, and through his pain he’d felt nothing but pride.
The island taught him that he isn’t a hero. On a jungle battlefield he’d watched a man fall, a man who called him a friend. And though only minutes before he’d said, Live together, die alone, in panic and confusion and fear he’d shouted, Run! and they’d scattered, every man for himself, each of them alone.
Healer. Leader. Hero.
Then at the edge of death the whispers change, no longer taunting, no longer lying. Now they speak the truth, a prophecy fulfilled. You don’t have what it takes.
And through his pain he feels nothing but shame.
End
link to Prophecy, pt. 2
Title: Prophecy
Part 1
Fandom: Lost
Character: Jack
Rating: if I could give it an R for angst I would, but, PG-13
Spoilers: through Live Together, Die Alone
Disclaimer: only mine in my dreams
Word Count: really, really short
For
psych_30 Prompt #20, Learned HelplessnessAnd for
fanfic100 Prompt #34, Not EnoughA/N: Okay,
eponine119, I'm posting this thing. THANKS all over the place for the hand-holding, and I LOVE YOU LOTS. He’s dying.
He isn’t surprised.
As the others comforted one another in the wake of the deaths in the hatch, he’d stood alone, staring at his reflection, looking into the face of death.
Live together, die alone.
His tomb is dark but not quiet. He has the whispers for company, loud in the dank air, echoing off the metal walls of what can only be another hatch. Empty, abandoned, inescapable. The disembodied voices eddy around him, whispering lies.
Healer
You have to lift it up, said the man who had talked to him of miracles. The man who thought, somehow, that Jack was capable of them. That day, Jack had felt like a god. He’d put his hands on another human being, and he had healed when healing wasn’t possible. That day, he’d believed the words of a man who believed in miracles. That day he’d believed in himself.
He thinks now that that was the day he began to die.
Death is liquid. Sometimes it pulls you under in a great sudden wave, sometimes it wears you down with slow steady droplets. The waves are kinder. Jack feels his life eroding as bits crumble around him like grains of sand. A miracle worker, yet he can’t save his marriage, can’t save his father, can’t save himself from falling from the sky. I will save you, he’d promised Boone, still stubbornly believing in miracles. A drop of sweat fell from his face onto the skin of the dying boy and shone there like a tear.
The island taught him that he wasn’t a savior. As Libby lay dying in the hatch, he allowed it. He didn’t tell her, I’m going to fix you. He thought that maybe, sometimes, you had to let things be broken. Instead of healing her, he’d slipped a needle into her arm, and watched her die.
There’s no escape, said the man who had talked to him of miracles. The man who no longer believed that such things were possible.
And again, Jack believed him.
He closes his eyes and listens to the whispers.
Leader
He remembers how she looked at him on the dock, her gaze pleading. I’m scared, her eyes had said. Reassure me. He wonders if she saw his hesitation, before reflex kicked in and he nodded at her, promising her without words that he’d fix this, he’d make everything okay. He thinks not, because her answering blink was trusting and sure. I have faith in you, she told him silently.
As he watched her he could feel Sawyer’s stare. He didn’t raise his eyes, because he knew what he’d find there wasn’t faith, but knowledge. She trusts you, that look would say. I don’t.
Hero
Once he’d believed in heroes. Believed he could be one. It’s your choice, man, walk away now and you won’t get your ass kicked. But Jack was a hero, the kind of hero who stood up for the scapegoat, the loner, the outcast. On a schoolyard battlefield he’d faced down danger to protect a friend, and through his pain he’d felt nothing but pride.
The island taught him that he isn’t a hero. On a jungle battlefield he’d watched a man fall, a man who called him a friend. And though only minutes before he’d said, Live together, die alone, in panic and confusion and fear he’d shouted, Run! and they’d scattered, every man for himself, each of them alone.
Healer. Leader. Hero.
Then at the edge of death the whispers change, no longer taunting, no longer lying. Now they speak the truth, a prophecy fulfilled. You don’t have what it takes.
And through his pain he feels nothing but shame.
End
link to Prophecy, pt. 2
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-06-17 06:00 am (UTC)and...ouch. oo. ow. that just broke my heart. Bringing in Desmond, how he gave Jack the strength to believe in miracles, in himself that day, and how now when Desmond has given up, Jack really feels broken as well...that was pure brilliance.
As was his lack of a promise to Libby; such a striking difference between that situation and every life/death situation before it. Jack just accepted it, knew he couldn't do a damn thing about it, that he could only help Libby along so she didn't continue to suffer.
Also brilliant was tying in Jack's "Live Together Die Alone" with his abandonment of Sawyer in the field, and your interpretation of the looks on the pier, especially Sawyer's.
So...simply put...brilliant.
Now I'm glad I can't sleep! I got to read this. Soooo good to read fic from you again. yay!
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Date: 2006-06-17 03:23 pm (UTC)I knew this would be painful for the Jack-lovers. I had to write it, though, to show how my feelings for him have gone from anger to overwhelming sympathy. He's in an impossible situation, and in an impossible situation, how can you NOT make mistakes?
Thanks for reading, and for liking! *hug*
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Date: 2006-06-17 06:09 am (UTC)You aren't kidding- boy howdy, does Jack need a hug. I am impressed by the strength of the inner turmoil here; struggle is so intrinsic to Jack's nature, and this downward spiral of a character study captures that internal chaos well.
Woe-ful, but beautiful work.
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Date: 2006-06-17 03:27 pm (UTC)Thank you for being an insomniac and reading midnight fic! *loves*
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Date: 2006-06-17 06:21 am (UTC)What the hell, why not! *claps and cheers for Allie writing again*
Beautiful, haunting writing. Such a dark look into Jack's brain. Although I dearly love Jack, I realize that he really does sometimes truly suck at the hero thing. He wants to be the strong leader, but he just fails miserably . But this fic makes me wonder which is more heroic: to believe you can fix anything and to persevere against all odds (Boone), or to allow people to die when you can't (Libby)? Just a thought, but your fic provoked it. I love when my vision of Jack is complicated. Thanks, dear. :)
Now I have to go off and cuddle Jack. Poor power-crazed dumbass.
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Date: 2006-06-17 03:30 pm (UTC)Thanks for cheering, anyway. :)
Poor power-crazed dumbass.
I know, bless his big dumb misguided heart. Give him a hug for me, will you?
♥
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Date: 2006-06-17 07:14 am (UTC)Wow.
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Date: 2006-06-17 03:36 pm (UTC)Thank you so much for reading! ♥
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Date: 2006-06-17 07:25 am (UTC)Oh and by the way i heart you for posting this late at night and giving me great fic to read.
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Date: 2006-06-17 03:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-17 11:20 am (UTC)(and I love that it says Part 1 at the top!)
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Date: 2006-06-17 03:40 pm (UTC)Thank you for reading, and thank you for liking!
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Date: 2006-06-17 12:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-17 03:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-17 01:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-17 03:47 pm (UTC)I'm so glad you liked it! Thanks for reading. :)
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Date: 2006-06-17 01:43 pm (UTC)Really beautiful and haunting words. I really liked it.
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Date: 2006-06-17 03:50 pm (UTC)I'm so glad that, in spite of not liking Jack, you liked the fic!
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Date: 2006-06-17 01:47 pm (UTC)That line was very poetic and broke me a little. The LJ-cut is right - Jack does need a hug.
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Date: 2006-06-17 03:52 pm (UTC)I'm so glad you liked it!
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Date: 2006-06-17 02:15 pm (UTC)So glad you decided to post a new one and I was kind of pleasantly surprised that it's about Jack:)
But you killed Desmond-bad Allie!
And Jack was not trying to help,because he already knows there is nothing he can do.Island put Jack trough all that happen,and made him look at himself and understand that he is not a hero or a leader or healer.He is a man,a part of him is scared,the other part is ashamed of himself,that he let people down,another part is replaying "you're not good enough" in his brain.
He is ashamed,blames himself for things he had no control over...
But this is Jack-wonderful job on characterization!As you can remember I was one of his "defenders",so it is interesting to see what you went trough and your POV on Jack,trough this fic.He will beat himself over for not saving Sawyer,he will blame himself for leading them into trap and not saving them.
Brilliant!
And welcome back!
*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2006-06-17 03:17 pm (UTC)I'm not sure if I killed Desmond or not. Since this was from Jack's POV, I left Desmond in the mindset he was in when Jack saw him last, which was bitter and hopeless. In the hatch, after Jack left, Desmond might have found his faith again. He might have found a miracle, and a way to survive. I hope so, because Desmond kinda pwns me. ;)
Thank you for the warm welcome back! And thank you for being patient with me. *HUGE HUGS*
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2006-06-17 03:52 pm (UTC)(Sorry, I'm not feeling very descriptive today. *g*)
no subject
Date: 2006-06-17 05:51 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2006-06-17 06:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-17 07:26 pm (UTC)This fic was so dark, I didn't know if anybody would want to go there with me. And now I'm going to try to write the super-angsty one we were talking about yesterday, so...yeah. I'm gonna get a rep around here, aren't I? I think I need to post some schmoopy pr0n, quick!
Thank you for a million different things, but mostly just for being a great friend. ♥
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Date: 2006-06-17 06:58 pm (UTC)You wove all the aspects of the show, all the telling moments together SOOO well and I adore the fluidity of his thoughts here, the quick flashes of past and present merging together. It feels so vibrantly real and still so somber and defeatist, but OH how I love it.
Hurray fic!
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Date: 2006-06-17 07:30 pm (UTC)I'm so happy and relieved that you loved it! *superglomp*
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Date: 2006-06-17 10:13 pm (UTC)Just wanted to point out that the comments you have received far outnumber the length of the fic - - - Think we missed you much?
*big smooch* Welcome home, darlin'.
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Date: 2006-06-18 05:07 pm (UTC)Thanks for reading, babe!
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Date: 2006-06-18 03:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-18 05:08 pm (UTC)I shudder to think what his mind will do to him if they just leave him alone with his thoughts. For someone like Jack, that would be the worst kind of torture, I think.
Thanks for reading, even though it was painful! *hug*
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Date: 2006-06-18 07:30 am (UTC)He’s dying.
He isn’t surprised.
Great, powerful way to begin. Just grabs the reader right there and you just have to read more.
So, I see you are expiating your recent hatred of Jack by making him own up to his betrayal, his weakness. It's good. It makes him a more interesting character.
He didn’t raise his eyes, because he knew what he’d find there wasn’t faith, but knowledge. She trusts you, that look would say. I don’t.
This was perfect. Sawyer would see him clearly. He'd be able to see all the darkness and weakness in him, because it's something he's so familiar with seeing in himself.
More parts? That's always a good thing.
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Date: 2006-06-18 05:15 pm (UTC)That's exactly what I was doing. The lack of accountability on Lost often offends me; no one ever has to take responsibility for their mistakes. Jack was obviously BIG on accountability back in the real world -- as evidenced by what he did to his father. It just wouldn't make sense if he didn't hold himself accountable for his own mistakes, as well.
I wonder, if the mask is off now and Sawyer sees that Jack is not the hero Sawyer believed him to be, if that will make it seem safe to work with him on a level playing field. If Jack is off the pedestal, can Sawyer rise from the gutter? I'd love to see them deal with their situation as comrades and equals.
I'm so glad you liked it! ♥
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2006-06-18 08:06 am (UTC)A drop of sweat fell from his face onto the skin of the dying boy and shone there like a tear.
But then again, this is beautiful. So I guess I can be lured into the dark and angsty territory if it looks that nice.
*runs back into the sunshine after reading*
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Date: 2006-06-18 05:18 pm (UTC)So, bear with me and my angst. It's always darkest just before dawn.
*hugs*
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Date: 2006-06-18 10:06 am (UTC)I love the direct contrast between his pride in facing the schoolyard bullies and his later shame that he's not the hero he thought he was or wanted to be.
Well done.
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Date: 2006-06-18 05:39 pm (UTC)Thank you so much for reading!
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Date: 2006-06-18 11:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-18 05:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-18 02:56 pm (UTC)*sobs*
All of this was lovely but I particularly liked this: Death is liquid. Sometimes it pulls you under in a great sudden wave, sometimes it wears you down with slow steady droplets.
And I was already angsting and then you did this:
Then at the edge of death the whispers change, no longer taunting, no longer lying. Now they speak the truth, a prophecy fulfilled. You don’t have what it takes.
And through his pain he feels nothing but shame.
*DED*
Very Jack, beautiful language and LOVE LOVE LOVE IT.
Even though it broke me.
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Date: 2006-06-18 05:45 pm (UTC)*off to work on pt. 2*
and, *MEGAGLOMP*
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Date: 2006-06-19 12:04 am (UTC)LOVE that, just love it.
This is wonderfully dark and achingly sad, beautifully done. To me it seems perfect that Jack would only reflect on what he hasn't acheived in his life, on the things that he has failed at rather than focusing on any good memories that he might have. Excellent stuff,hon, good to see you writing again. :)
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Date: 2006-06-19 02:07 am (UTC)I've got your fic open and half-feedbacked right now. Memphis, squee! :D
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Date: 2006-06-19 03:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-19 02:26 pm (UTC)It hurt to write, and I know how you feel. I wasn't even sure whether or not to share this fic with my flist because it was SO dark. And (fair warning) I think that Sawyer's part that's coming up next will be even darker. But I'm using my rainbow icon because I know there's gotta be hope in there somewhere, somehow.
Love you! Thanks for reading! :)
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Date: 2006-06-19 04:41 am (UTC)hi, btw, *waves* i hadn't seen this anywhere until elise_509 recced it, so mind if i friend you?
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Date: 2006-06-19 02:32 pm (UTC)Exactly. That bothered me so much I had to deal with it by writing it out. Who knows if he'll take responsibility for abandoning Sawyer in canon? People tend not to be held accountable on Lost, so it's a good thing there's fanfic to fill in the gaps.
I checked out your journal and hee, you are SUCH a cat person! See my user name? Cats pwn me (literally!). Yay for friending!
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Date: 2006-06-19 03:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-22 08:37 pm (UTC)