alliecat8

I have a very sweet guy now (yes, the one in your hometown!). And I'm very happy. ;)

AWWWWW. I'm happy that you're happy. Details, dammit, I need details!

No, we like faux bad boys. Strip away the hard candy shell, sticky chocolate inside. :) I think that they only exist in fiction, so go for the sweet guy in real life.

(Also, you code very well for someone who appears to be drunk. *glomps*)

*curtsies*

Don't sweet guys get boring, though?

Define both "boring" and "sweet". 'Cause sweet doesn't necessarily mean doormat, and while bad boys IRL are good for drunken one-night stands? They have a depressing tendency to "borrow" my car, act like asses when I insist upon condoms, constantly be baffled when I expect them to pull their weight when it comes to entertainment, etc. That little edge of danger in the bedroom (I know that your wee'un is much too young for this, but it's a vital life lesson for all of us bad-boy afficionados to learn; at her age, I imagine your daughter will be more likely to simply realize that a sweet guy won't push her farther than she's ready to go, will call when he says he's going to call-minus the occasional slip up where all teenaged boys are doofuses, will treat her with the respect that she deserves in ways that the real bad boys aren't willing to do) can be worked around, and real-life bad boys have a depressing tendency to think that they're the only ones in the relationship that matter.

Edited 2008-08-23 00:42 (UTC)

Define both "boring" and "sweet".

Okay, a "sweet" guy will call you faithfully exactly when he said he would, he'll come to the door and meet your parents before he takes you out on a date, and he'll be 100% attentive and do anything in the world for you. I may quote Maureen from Rent:

A snob - yet over-attentive

A lovable, droll geek

He's predictable, and predictability gets boring...though it's nice and safe. But bad boys, with their unpredictability, *are* disrespectful and possibly dangerous. Which is worse, though, dating someone who bores you or dating someone who stomps on your heart? I dunno, but I DO know that I'm a better advisor to a stomped-on heart than to a spoiled and jaded/bored girlfriend. Hmmm...maybe I'm afraid that dating the nice-boy will teach her to be the user in the relationship? Maybe that's really my issue with this. Must mull; thank you for all your insight! ♥

I have to admit it, I don't think I have ever liked an even fictional sweet (or totally sane) guy!

Love the icon! And (secret sharing!) there's no such thing as sane. The ones who pretend to be just fake it better. >:)

Okay, since you admitted first, I'll confess: Me too! I've always wanted the sweet guys just for friends (it's the old, cliched saying, "I don't want to ruin our friendship by getting romantically involved.") I never dated the *true* bad boy at my high school, the one whose dad owned the liquor store so he had free rein to drink and supply alcohol, drove a souped-up car and had long black to DIE FOR, and a black leather jacket.... Yeah, he scared me to death, but I was utterly fascinated, too. Sadly, I never had the guts to date someone *that bad.* But mine were all screwed up in their own ways. I wonder what kind of husbands my "good-boy" friends turned out to be.

I know what you mean, I never went for full-on bad boys but I never could get up much feeling for the typical nice guys either. I pretty much to have my men screwed up for me to like them.

To quote Hyde from That 70's Show (another fictional former crush of mine), "if this relationship wasn't just a bit creepy and unnatural, I wouldn't be in it"

I mean to vote for "save the booze" OOPS.

Allie, this is your kid. If she had a bad boy you would freak the hell out, secretly proud or not. What I advise for a kid on her 2nd boyfriend is way different than I would prescribe for any of the adults here on LJ who know what they're getting into. He's good! You don't have to worry!

I do wonder a bit if she's rebounding a bit from Guy #1 being such a jerk. But she'll get bored eventually and find someone who's just the right mix of sweet and bad.

I think I'll just have to recuse myself and say, "I HAVE NO ADVICE!" Because doggone it, I want her to spend her teen years having fun, not settling down with a safe sweet potential hubby. (Have I mentioned how I *still* haven't gotten my high school's Bad Boy out of my system, probably because I never had the courage to date him?) New Guy is a pre-Carlotta Saracen. Old Guy is the closest thing I've seen around here to a Riggins. Now, just try and tell me you wouldn't pick the Tim over teh Mattie, just TRY.

So how can I be a hypocrite and tell her to take the safe choice? I think she's right, she needs a Noah.

No, you can tell her just that. Well, the first part. "These are your years to have fun! But pick who you like." God knows there are TONS of girls who are hot for Saracen. Leaves more Riggs for the rest of us. ;)

Don't lie or be hypocritical, unless you have a plan and that plan is to approve of him until she's no longer interested. :D

I love your diabolicat reverse-psychology plan. That's exactly what I wanna do.

AND,

GIP!!!!!!!!

Bad boys are nice..to watch, but who needs the drama, sweet guys are SWEET and nice and yes, they can be a little on the boring side, but boring is a whole lot better than living a Jerry Springer Show episode. see, look at Foxy..he's a sweet guy with a whiff of bad boy tendencies..but still, SWEET GUY, now that's a much better combination.

Ah, but drama is ADDICTING!

Confession of a Former Teenage Drama Queen:

I was so totally one! When I got bored I'd break up, just to stir things up. Not that I'm advocating that for my kid, but she definitely inherited my drama-addiction. But, you're probably right, she should date the nice boy, if only for "information and data gathering" purposes, lol. If she finds out that she doesn't like it, then next time she'll have a better idea what to look for! (I'm thinking about Julie and the Swede, lol!)

And I am so freakin' in love with my new icon! LOL!

Hmmm. I dated bad boy after bad boy until I got smart and dated Mr. Z. But not everyone needs/wants to date bad boys. I'd encourage your daughter to date the nice guy, because god knows, if she's one to go after the bad boys, she'll do it with or without your input!

Most of mine were pretty bad, too, tho I'm not sure I knew it before I started dating them. Then I married a "good" one and found out that "nice" in his case translates to unable-to-stand-up-to-life's-hard-knocks, and that's the *last* thing I want for my kid; I don't want her to be the one who has to fight his battles as well as her own. But yeah, you're right, we're talking about kids dating, not young adults contemplating marriage. I guess right now, boys are like a buffet and she should sample every type! Kinda makes me want to be 15 again! :)

I'd say go for the sweet guy. I always was one for sweet guys to be honest ;) and I'd always say date what you like so if she does like the sweet guy I'd say she should go for it. Anyway, voted ticky because I always vote for that one.

That's why I put a "ticky," because a poll isn't complete without it. ;)

And thank you for your input -- I guess I should be pleased that she likes a nice guy. I just don't want her to turn into somebody who wipes her feet on a boy like he's a doormat, though, if that makes any sense. Ah well, I need to be philosophical about the whole thing and just say "live and learn," right? ♥

Sweet guys are not bad at all,lol!And if we're talking teenage daughter and if they like each other-go for a sweet guy!
She has plenty of time to date bad boys if she gets bored!;)

Hee, I'm replying to this just after I read your porny TMI post...and I'm kinda guessing you've had a bad boy or two! ;) AND had FUN with him!

Er, but yes, that kind of fun should wait til she's grown, ahem. You're totally right, safety first and sweet boys are safe. Thank you. ♥

Definitely had a couple of bad boys;)
But really,they were good for sex and fun-not for a relationships or feeling loved or safe.Not all the bad boys really do have golden hearts like on TV,you know?!

IMO,bad boys are for college days-fun,experimenting and figuring things out for yourself.For highschool,it's better to stick to nice guys.At least you,as a mom will have less to worry about!;)
*hugs*

I'd say that now is the time to date the bad boy. Get it out of her system, realize that the bad boy WILL eventually hurt her / break her heart / isn't any good for her. At least, not in the long run. So, he'll either come around to becoming a good guy (once the teenage angst has dissipated), or, she'll find out that she wants a sweet guy. Bad guys are fun to date, but long term down the road? Not so much.

Sweet guys aren't boring. I like the intellectual sweet guy that also has some competitiveness in him and likes to debate and press my buttons and gets me riled up. ...I may have just described my finance. yep. ::nods::

And sweet boys come with their drama too. I think they also have some repressed bad boy that wants to come out and often does at the worst possible moment. It's better that they get it out of their system when they're younger.

Okay, I think that's everything now. Wow, did I ever ramble!

HI, darlin'!!!!!!!! Long time no see, where have you been????????? *hugs you tight*

You know I always love your advice. I know you're close to the situation because of your fiance's (when did you get engaged?! *hugs you some more*) sisters. I agree that dating the bad boy IS a bit of a character-building experience; ideally it teaches you to appreciate the good boys more. And you're also right about the good boys having hidden depths that you might not know are there at first, and that you might not want to know about. That's what I've found with my "good boy" husband, so I never take a nice-boy at face value. You've given me plenty to think about, and PLEASE, ramble away in my journal anytime! ♥

Hahaha, yes, it's been too long! I think we just take our hiatuses at opposite times, so we always miss each other. and it sucks.

I've been engaged for a long time... or at least, long for me. It was at New Year's! Go back in my journal, there's a picture of the sparkly as well. And we're getting married in 7 months. That's sooooon.

Yeah, I learn so much about teenage angst from the sisters. I'm glad that I can see it again through their eyes, though, because I can reflect better on my own experiences that I had. It makes me wise. Yep. Uh huh. ::nods::

::squeezes you tight::

I dumped my sweet guy in high school and I don't regret it. BUT, after a string of bad guys who were fun until they weren't anymore (if you know what I mean), I'm back with a sweet guy.

You just have to find the RIGHT sweet one! If you're not attracted to him, don't settle for him just because you know he'll treat you right. That'll end up as disastrous as the bad boy route. Good luck!

You just have to find the RIGHT sweet one! If you're not attracted to him, don't settle for him just because you know he'll treat you right.

Yes. Excellent advice about good guys. I've been there with the wrong sweet guy, but now I hopefully have the right kind. I kind of wish someone had, like, shaken me and made me see that when I was younger.

You just have to find the RIGHT sweet one!

This reminded me of a quote, "Before you find your prince, you've gotta kiss a lot of toads." THAT is probably what I need to tell my kid; she's got a lot of toad-kissing to do before she finds Mr. Right. Whether they're nice-boys or bad-boys, she'll learn something from every one, and hopefully the lessons (though hard) will be good ones. I'm kinda wondering how ANYBODY survives teen-ager-hood! But somehow we do...it's a freaking miracle! ;D

Mr. Darcy > Mr. Wickham. Bad boys are hot on TV and in the movies, but good guys are much less trouble in RL.

My kid hardly has time for a boyfriend, between school and church and sports and cheerleading -- and a nice guy will understand that and be patient with it, while the bad boy (she's learned this the hard way already) will get pissed that she's not paying him enough attention. So yes, nice boys are less trouble and more practical! Thank you! ♥

Had some sweet guys in my life that turned out to be too boring, had some sweet guys in my life that turned out to be passive-aggressive assholes, had some bad boys in my life that turned out to be assholes, had some bad boys in my life that turned out to have hearts of gold - so, hate to say it, but they're all part of life's rich tapestry and you sure get to learn by your mistakes.
*whataloadauselessadvicesheesh*

*whataloadauselessadvicesheesh*

Oh, PFFFFFFT! I totally "get" what you're saying about the nice-boys' hidden depths, depths that you maybe *don't* want to explore. And I think that most of us girls dream (even if it's secretly) about finding the bad boy with a heart of gold. Do they exist in RL? Where can I find one for MYSELF???!!! ;)

if she likes him, why not? if he's too boring, she'll find out soon enough. As a mother, I don't think I'd ever advise to wait for a bad boy... even if they are sometimes fun.

Eh, I think that the worry here is "what will people think?" and will she be stuck having to date the nice-but-not-exciting guys forever if she dates this one and gets the rep. Oh, high school, how I do NOT miss you. How'd we survive it, Lou?

oh, I don't miss high school one minute either. well maybe my last 2 years because I was secluded in the nerds group... but that meant I was in the opposite camp from your daughter, the nerd not worthy of dating ;)

From experience, I've only dated (twice) two sweet guys and I've had fun the entire time we were dating. But..I wouldn't mind one "bad" guy.

It'd be fun!

So, I think your daughter has a situation. How'd it go?

Hee, right now she's cracking me up. No "love triangles" for *her* -- she decided NOT to decide, and she's "talking to" (which seems to be the "foreplay" before officially "dating") a third guy. I think she's forgotten all about the other two. Oh, to be a teenager again....

(not!)

uh

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

Possible TMI ahead.

Re: Possible TMI ahead.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject