Bearings

[alliecat8]

Lost Ficlet: Bearings
Characters: Sawyer (with a hint of Jack and Kate)
Rating: G
Word Count: 478
Disclaimer: Only mine in my dreams
Spoilers: Through "Collision," plus previews for "What Kate Did"

A/N: Written for foxxcub's birthday. It's not born-porn, but I hope you like it anyway! I got the idea while discussing this with you, and hkath said to write it, so here it is. Happy birthday!




Bearings


He’s been here before. Shivering, cold, but sweating like he’s burning up. Hands on him, doing things that make him mad, things that would normally make him strike out and curse them, make him draw his armor around him like a shield…if only he could move. But he’s in the pit again, no light, no sound, nothing but pain and disorientation and voices and hands that jerk him around. He’s fighting them. “Swallow,” the harsh voice says, and he spits instead. He’s fighting them in the only way he can, because fighting is the one thing that will keep him alive.

He’s been here before. Swamped with fever, freezing and on fire at the same time, unable to open his eyes or hold his head up. People are doing things for him that he doesn’t understand, things that he ought to be able to do for himself, at his age. He’s seven, and they’d said it was just the flu. His mama sounds worried, though. She wants him to take his medicine. He can feel her, holding his head up, kissing him. “You need to listen to me, okay? The only way you’re going to get better is if you take this pill.” She kisses him again. “So I need you to swallow it, okay? Now swallow, swallow. Good…good.”

He trusts his mama, so he swallows the pill. No need to fight. “Hey,” she says, “hey?” Can you hear me? You’re gonna be okay…gonna be alright. You’re home.”

That’s right. That makes sense. He’s home. He’s been sick, but he took his medicine and he’s getting better, and now he knows that he’s home. Because all of those other things, the things that he half-remembers, were just a nightmare. Things like that don’t really happen to people in real life. Daddies don’t shoot mommies and then die right in front of you, die without even thinking about you, because they’re mad at somebody you’ve never even heard of before. Monsters don’t really go around in the world doing the kinds of things that make daddies do things like that, and normal little boys don’t grow up to be monsters, either. Planes don’t crash on haunted islands, and people don’t abuse you and hate you and torture you just because you try to survive, not in real life. Those things happen in comic books and on those action TV shows his mama doesn’t allow him to watch. They cause nightmares, she says, and boy, was she right. But it’s okay now, he can hear her voice and feel her kissing his head, and he knows that everything is going to be okay. The nightmare is over. He’s home.

His mama is alive. “I love her,” he says. Everything will be okay now that the nightmare is over. He’s home.

And then he opens his eyes.


End.

Comments

[zenana7.livejournal.com]

Just... perfect. Lovely.

I like how you got everything in, all the references to Sawyer's recent and past experiences in the "That's right" paragraph.

And then the clincher final sentence.

Curious to see how this will compare to upcoming the episode.

[alliecat8.livejournal.com]

Curious to see how this will compare to upcoming the episode.

I know...I have a feeling the writers aren't on the same page as me. That's the beauty of fanfic, though; if we don't like what they're doing, we can change it in fanon to suit ourselves.

I'm so glad you liked the fic. I've been bad about commenting on posts (I plan to make up for that later today), but I'm glad your holidays are going well in spite of RL difficulties. I'm glad I could offer a little fic to make you smile. Hope to see more fic from you soon! :D

[zenana7.livejournal.com]

Just now got your response!

Liked your version better :) -- tho I did like this epi, as noted in my review (not a universal opinion, I know).

RL work calls, but hoping to do something with all these little fic ideas floating around soon.

[skeeterses.livejournal.com]

That was an amazing fic!
And I think it fit perfectly. So well written....especially diving into his past....interesting little devil, he is =)
I loved the connection between past and present.
Great job =)

[alliecat8.livejournal.com]

interesting little devil, he is =)

He is, isn't he? That's why I just can't leave him alone. ;)

I'm so glad you think it fits. I was having trouble understanding his motivations (yeah, I psychoanalyze him even when he's unconscious, lol), and Kate's, so I tried to work it out in this fic. I'm really happy that you think it made sense!

Thanks so much for reading. I hope you're having a great holiday! :)

[hkath.livejournal.com]

Yay, you did write it! And it was so unexpectedly sad... all his sarcasm gone. There's a scared little kid lurking just under the surface of him and you captured it wonderfully.

*hugs the poor boy silly*

[alliecat8.livejournal.com]

Yay, you did write it!

And I probably wouldn't have, if you hadn't told me to! :D Thanks for the inspiration, and for the compliment. Now give him back, I wanna hug him, too! ;)

P.S. I haven't read yours yet. Bad me. I'm gonna go correct that right now.

[alliecat8.livejournal.com]

Awww...I'm so glad I could melt you. ;D That makes my day!

[ella-bee.livejournal.com]

very sweet. I like the comparison between Kate and his mother.

[alliecat8.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! Kate was being very nurturing, and I think Sawyer's mother probably was, too (that's why he's so bitter about how harsh his life became after he lost her), so maybe he got them confused in his poor delirious brain. I'm trying to alternate between short and sweet, and long and smutty. Rent hijacked my brain for a little while, but I can't stay away from Lost for long!

♥ you!

[thatsaid.livejournal.com]

I feel so sorry for Sawyer.

I think you did this perfectly. The I love her thing makes perfect sense like this, (no "I love Kate" kplzthnx!) and I love the "doesn't happen in real life" thing. *cuddles James*

[alliecat8.livejournal.com]

(no "I love Kate" kplzthnx!) and I love the "doesn't happen in real life" thing.

Yeah, the very idea of "I love Kate" makes me queasy. Sawyer's just not that gullible...is he?

Poor baby, he's had such a harsh life, no wonder he wants to think it was just a nightmare. If only.... *tries to help you cuddle James*

[ellel.livejournal.com]

how adorable!:)
he thinks it's his mommy,poor delirious Sawyer-he will get better,he must!

[alliecat8.livejournal.com]

he thinks it's his mommy,poor delirious Sawyer

I know, bless his poor befuddled heart. ;) I'll admit, it's not the first time he's gotten confused that way in one of my fics...a while back he thought Claire was his mother. He's like that little bird in the book. "You are not my mother. You are a snort!" (Did you ever read that book? Um...P.D. Eastman, I think, it's like a Dr. Seuss book. If you haven't read it you probably think I'm nuts...oh well. ;) )

Of course he'll get better. Can you imagine the LJ lynch mob the writer's will have to face if he doesn't? *shudders*

Hope you're having a great weekend! I WILL catch up on my comments later today, I promise! :)

[themoononastick]

I had to download the trailer for "What Kate Did" just so I could read this! (that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it ;) )

I really like this, it's a great interpretation of both scenes and beautifully written too. Lovely.

[alliecat8.livejournal.com]

I had to download the trailer for "What Kate Did" just so I could read this!

Did you see the Canadian promo, too? They're so different, it's like they're for two different shows. I'm really looking forward to Wednesday.

I'm so glad you liked this. And your RPS...there are no words. Gah, I LOVED it. And I haven't commented yet. BAD ME. I will soon, I'm just ridiculously behind because of the holiday. Thanks for the email; I'm glad everything worked out. Anytime you need my help, just let me know.

♥ you!

[foxxcub.livejournal.com]

AWESOME.

*LOVES LIEK WHOA*

Thankyouthankyouthankyou :DDDD

[alliecat8.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm so glad you loved it! You got so much wonderful birthday fic. I feel lucky by association, because I got to read it all! I hope you had a wonderful birthday and a great Thanksgiving! I hope your kitties got some leftover turkey. ;D

[foxxcub.livejournal.com]

LOL, they did, although it was completely by accident. :P

I'm so very, very spoiled by my flist, what can I say?

*hugs*

[eponine119.livejournal.com]

*sniffle* I really liked this. You totally sold me on the "Sawyer loves his mama" interpretation, which wasn't really working for me before. Now I'll be so disappointed when it airs and that's not what happens.

But what I liked even better was the thought behind him not taking the pill, which I was trying to figure out earlier, was it his death wish kicking in again? But him fighting, because fighting is the only way he's ever been able to survive, is just SO Sawyer. I love that I can get that kind of character insight from reading a story, and the light goes on and it all makes sense.

You also do a nice job of portraying his feverish confusion, the mixing of the time in his head with real time.

[alliecat8.livejournal.com]

*gulp*

That was wonderful feedback. Your opinion means a lot to me, you know. I'm glad I could "sell" you on the idea of Sawyer wanting his mother. I like that idea SO much better than the idea of him wanting Kate, lol! You know that the thought of Sawyer being vulnerable to Kate scares me. Maybe Wednesday I'll change my mind? I guess we'll see....

I love that I can get that kind of character insight from reading a story, and the light goes on and it all makes sense.

THANK YOU, and it's funny you should say that, because that's often what I think after reading one of your fics. You just said it better than I ever could. :)

*big hugs*

[assassinofjoy.livejournal.com]

Hi! I came across your LJ via a link on someone else's journal while looking for Lost fic. You write some terrific stuff, BTW, and I look forward to reading more in the future =)

Normally, I don't really read anything lighter than PG-13 (because the born perv in me doesn't usually allow it =B) but I have to say ... wow. And wow some more. This is a very lovely fic with a wonderful narrative voice, and with very vivid imagery as well.

Reading this, I replayed that scene in "Collision" in my head and this fit in almost seemlessly, and I especially loved how it played out like a fevered dream with bits of reality woven in, both past and present. I was a little taken aback by how sad this was, actually. This is the Sawyer I picture under that infuriatingly indifferent demeanor, a scared little boy hiding while hearing/watching mommy and daddy die. Sawyer confusing Kate with his mother made me sad, and I adore how you ended the story.

His mama is alive. “I love her,” he says. Everything will be okay now that the nightmare is over. He’s home.

And then he opens his eyes.

Owie, my heart says. Owie.

Beautifully done.

[alliecat8.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the wonderful review! Sawyer breaks my heart, and I'm glad to know that you think that it came across well in this fic. Thank you for giving a G-rated fic a chance. :) I usually go for the harder stuff, too, sometimes G just happens. *shrugs sheepishly*

Thanks for reading, and thanks so much for the fb! :D

[halfdutch.livejournal.com]

That was wonderful. Love the way you take the little crumbs they've given us and constructed this bittersweet moment. And him thinking his whole life has been a horrible nightmare ... *wibbles*

*huggles Sawyer*

I *do* hope he's not saying he loves Kate. Based on what, exactly? :-/

[alliecat8.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! :D I'm glad you're home, I missed you! (Glad you and Dulcie had a good holiday, though. :) )

I think that the promos for this week (U.S. and Canadian, don't know if you've seen both) were designed to mislead the het-fans; I don't think it's really going to be what it seems. It never is with Lost, is it? If Sawyer's really saying that he loves Kate, then this season's Sawyer is WAY easier than last season's. I don't think he's softened up that much, even in his delirium. Let's hope, anyway. :)

[holycitygirl.livejournal.com]

Oh poor babySawyer!! He was soooooo scarred.

I love this! (and I'm so glad I'm back to read and write and wallow in the J/S again). I love you!!!

Find your words and write more soon. ;)

[alliecat8.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're back to wallow and write, too! *hugs*

I'm SO grateful for you and the others on my flist who are still feeling the J/S love. ;) It's what's getting me through the LOOONNNNG wait until our bad boy is back to being himself again. It's a good thing we slashers have long memories and vivid imaginations, huh? ;D

[holycitygirl.livejournal.com]

It is a great thing! And I can hold out forever. Let's not forget that my main (or okay second -Lost is so taking over) fandom is a movie fandom. If I can write fanfic for characters who were only established for and hour and a half 7 years ago then I can wait out JJ.